Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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