How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
