I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
