Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
