Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
