a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Randomize