I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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