My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
