Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
