If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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