They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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