I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
