so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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