apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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