just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Did I show you my penis last night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.