I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.