i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
