I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
