Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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