You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
