Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
