I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
