News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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