Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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