apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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