I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
