Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
