3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My ass is underappreciated
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
