it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
