He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
