omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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