If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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