im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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