does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
