With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
