if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
