this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
