I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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