I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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