Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
