i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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