I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
