The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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