we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
