I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
