90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
