evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
