your thong is hanging out like whoa
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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