He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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