Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
