i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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