I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
