1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
