i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
