Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Found your dick twin last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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