quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
