Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
