I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit